Money Over Ministry

17 05 2013

money_churchI’ve been in Thailand for almost 5 years now and I always wondered as to how it feels to actually have a permanent or a stable job here. I see my fellow Filipinos and Christians earning as much as 30,000 baht a month and there were times that I asked myself as to when will I be able to actually have the same kind of opportunity.

I’ve never asked for anything for myself as well as since my last try in finding a teaching job failed because of lack of  “PAPER”  qualifications, I’ve actually given up to that thought. Until God provided a job for me. We’ve started from scratch and invested a few thousand baht and after that God did the rest for us. I became so attached to what I am doing that even if I am not receiving anything I still find pleasure and contentment in my “JOB”.

There was a point in time that I’ve asked myself, what if there will come a time that an irresistible offer will come my way, will I pack up and leave everything behind and go for the BIG BUCKS rather than working on God’s ministry? So, okay..that crossed my mind and often times I just shrug it off because I thought it is impossible.

Just a week ago, an offer came through my pastor,at first I actually remember declining the Teaching DEMO offer. When my wife heard about it she asked me if how long will it take, I said it’s just for two days and one night since it is going to be in a province here in Thailand.. that would be Sakhon Nakhon. After 4 years of not being able to actually talk in front of students or any Board of panelists I took it as a challenge testing myself if I now have the courage to actually talk in front of these types of people. Thus, I retracted my decision and informed pastor about it.

The DEMO show turn out to be a success despite of some untoward and undesirable events that happened to me personally..I don’t want to get into detail since it was literally GROSS and disgusting. Skipping on some details I’ll proceed to the part where we were already heading back to Bangkok, one of the presenters who were with us got a call from the Boss of the agency who sent us to that Teaching Demo Job. I later on learned that she’ve been offered an office job, we were all happy for her and at the back of mind came a thought “What if I too will be offered a job in the office, will I leave our school ministry and work for them?” I didn’t give much thought to it until we’ve finally arrived home. i was about to sleep when Sally (my wife) told me to call Pastor right away because there is something he wants to talk to me. I said, What? I just arrived and it’s already past midnight, however, knowing that it was our pastor and were the one who gave me the finished job I called him.

It was there that I heard the same offer that has been offered to one of  the presenters, the offer was actually enticing and tempting all i have to do was work in an office with a computer and look for “FARANGS” (Foreigners) who are interested in Teaching Jobs and basically deal with them.  It was a tailor made offer, a kind of offer that literally fit my skills and my capabilities. I couldn’t remember what was actually my answer but I believe I declined right then and there knowing that I have bigger responsibilities in the school.

What was Ironic is that it kept on bugging me and there was this still small voice persuading me and let me think of what I could do with the 20,000 baht a month offer if I work in the agency’s office. It was then that i started feeling the pressure, I was literally torn in two..the desire to finally earn and be able to receive a physical money and at the same time I was worrying about the school, what will happen to it and the people I’ve committed to help.

It’s true I have declined the offer the first time, but later on ideas came pouring in and then the idea of taking the job working as  part-time  and be able to work and continue my responsibility to the school. I was so convinced with the idea that I immediately informed pastor about it, he was naturally happy because as far as I can tell he saw that the job fits me. He then called his Boss and got the approval and he relayed the good news  to me right away. After hearing that supposedly good news I couldn’t  feel any kind of happiness, instead I felt something deep inside me crumbled and was grieved. I felt burdened and my countenance fell, the job was mine and I can actually take it and choose any day I want or even decide to work full time if I want to.

After our conversation, i put the phone back to its cradle with a heavy heart. that particular moment I couldn’t understand why I felt that way. This was what I’ve been yearning and desiring all through the past 4 years, a job that earns and will be able to help me provide  things that I WANT in life. All I have to do was report to the head office and the job is mine, that night i couldn’t sleep and I prayed that God will give me wisdom to decide whether if this is the right thing to do.

You may ask, what was the problem since my deal was actually just for a part time job, I can decide which day should I work in the office. Here is the thing that bothered me during that night, even if I may decide to work part time I am the kind of person who gets attached to what I am doing. The moment that i got hooked to it, it would be very impossible for me to do the other tasks efficiently. That scared the heck out of me, my mind just couldn’t bare the fact that there will come a day when I am totally dedicated to my job that I will finally decide to let go of the ministry that God has entrusted me. it was during this time that i started to look back at God’s goodness to my family, how He took care of us all these years even if it is only my wife who earns a decent and sustainable income. God showed me the times that he was always there and there was never a time that we were WANTING, He was there all the time, His hands and His blessings are visible through the good things that is happening to the School ministry. Who am I not to see and pretend not to be able to acknowledge it…Who am I to turn my back on God when He never did that to me even way back when we were still in the Philippines. it was then that I realized how stupid and how ignorant I am to decide and grab that enticing and tempting offer just to take me away from what I have committed myself into. I know that Pastor’s recommendation was of good intention but i just could bare the fact that I will leave God’s blessings and exchange it for temporal and useless things of these world.

It’s true that there are times that I worry for my kids and for my family, but my God is my Great Provider and He’s been doing that to my family all these years. It was these thoughts that finally gave me the right and final decision, to decline the offer that was presented to me. After I’ve made that decision, that huge lump and heavy feeling that was in my heart was lifted and whether you believe me or not i don’t feel any regret to what I’ve decided. I believe it was a Test as to how strong is my faith and trust towards my God, no matter what will happen in the future…My God got me covered!

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4 responses

20 05 2013
Josh Rhyne

Hang in there. God always has a plan.

21 05 2013
nz2r

Thank you..I know He has 🙂 God bless

20 05 2013
rob sol

good 4 u nester.a very smart decision.good luck to you and your family.

21 05 2013
nz2r

Thanks Uncle…How are you and Mama..I hope you are both good and well…God bless 🙂

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